The D word
My parents decided to seperate when I was 19. This was a very difficult age for me as I was not just a little kid who didn't know any better and could get used to growing up knowing this as my childhood. Ok so of course no age is the "ideal" time for anyones parents to split up but I was old enough to recognise the effect that this was now going to have on my life.
I actually had a pretty amazing childhood. Which I am totally thankful and grateful for because I know that not all of us had it easy breezey growing up. Not that my life was a complete fairytale, it was not perfect by any means but I am just lucky to have a lot of good memories of being a kid.
When my parents told me that they were getting a divorce, it hit me really hard. My life up until then had been me, my parents and my sister, I knew nothing else but that. So the thought of my little family being broken just totally devastated me. I never seen any signs of trouble and honestly did not see it coming. Which I suppose was good in a way because it meant that they weren't arguing 24/7 and making our house an uncomfortable place to live.
I took the news pretty badly as I would have been closer to my dad than my mum and I know that normally the father ends up moving out. I honestly was so upset and obviously did not want to be just another girl with divorced parents. I wrote a little bit about how it effected me in this post if you want to give it a read.
I wouldn't say that I ever eventually got "over it" so to speak, but I at least accepted that it was happening. I slowly became ok with it as I realised there wasn't really anything that I could do to stop it. I wanted both parents to be happy at the end of the day and this seemed like it was the best for both of them. So I just wanted to give some advise on this if any of you are going through the same thing;
When my parents told me that they were getting a divorce, it hit me really hard. My life up until then had been me, my parents and my sister, I knew nothing else but that. So the thought of my little family being broken just totally devastated me. I never seen any signs of trouble and honestly did not see it coming. Which I suppose was good in a way because it meant that they weren't arguing 24/7 and making our house an uncomfortable place to live.
I took the news pretty badly as I would have been closer to my dad than my mum and I know that normally the father ends up moving out. I honestly was so upset and obviously did not want to be just another girl with divorced parents. I wrote a little bit about how it effected me in this post if you want to give it a read.
I wouldn't say that I ever eventually got "over it" so to speak, but I at least accepted that it was happening. I slowly became ok with it as I realised there wasn't really anything that I could do to stop it. I wanted both parents to be happy at the end of the day and this seemed like it was the best for both of them. So I just wanted to give some advise on this if any of you are going through the same thing;
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!! There is nothing you could have done, don't ever feel like you might have been able to prevent it, you couldn't have or can't. It is their marriage at the end of the day, they will still be your parents, they aren't divorcing you. But you have to respect their choice, it's their relationship and if they aren't happy being married then I really hope you can understand that and appreciate it. Don't you just want your folks to be happy? Yes separation is a very painful thing to through but if they feel like that is what they really want then you have to just accept and respect their decisions.
Don't feel like you have to pick sides. Whether you know the reason your parents are spliting up or not, just know that everyone makes mistakes and we are all only human. If you still want contact with your mum or dad, don't let the other parent influence you into not having a relationship with them. Tell both parents that you do not want to hear any bitching or negative comments made about each other. It is never fair to put the kids in the middle and you should never have to defend or stick up for a parent. It's just not right, it is cruel to burrdon a child with all that drama and negativity. Your parents should allow you to make your own decisions about how you want to handle this divorce in your own way.
If you have siblings and they are perhaps siding with one parent, don't let that sway your decision, make up your own mind. You shouldn't really side with anyone, try and keep a good relationship with both parents as you might regret it later in life. Talk to your brothers or sisters, they are going through this as well. Try and be supportive towards them, be strong and by helping them you might just be helping yourself. I usually find that when I give people advise, I stop and realise that sometimes I should be taking my own advise too.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone about this then talk to your friends, other family members or maybe someone you have a good relationship in school, church or any other area of your life. I was pretty close with my netball coach in school and felt like I could tell her anything. Don't bottle up all your emotions and feelings, it might be the worst thing you could do because you might just explode one day. Confide in someone you trust or maybe even see if there are any online chats for kids going through the same thing. It might be better to chat to someone in a similar situation as they will know what you are going through and might be able to give you better advise.
Don't act out. This is just childish and immature, it is not going to change the fact that your parents are splitting up so what is the point? You are just adding more stress and drama to an already high pressured situation. It is just selfish and I know that you are struggling with this as well but think about what you parents are already going through, they don't want their child going off the rails as well. Yes it is ok to blow off a little steam and maybe have a bit of a huff about it but don't take it to the extreme, it's just not worth it in the end.
I hope some of this advise has maybe helped at least one person out there. If you guys have any more helpful advise then please share it below, someone might need it.
Later skaters
Love S xoxo
If you have siblings and they are perhaps siding with one parent, don't let that sway your decision, make up your own mind. You shouldn't really side with anyone, try and keep a good relationship with both parents as you might regret it later in life. Talk to your brothers or sisters, they are going through this as well. Try and be supportive towards them, be strong and by helping them you might just be helping yourself. I usually find that when I give people advise, I stop and realise that sometimes I should be taking my own advise too.
If you feel like you need to talk to someone about this then talk to your friends, other family members or maybe someone you have a good relationship in school, church or any other area of your life. I was pretty close with my netball coach in school and felt like I could tell her anything. Don't bottle up all your emotions and feelings, it might be the worst thing you could do because you might just explode one day. Confide in someone you trust or maybe even see if there are any online chats for kids going through the same thing. It might be better to chat to someone in a similar situation as they will know what you are going through and might be able to give you better advise.
Don't act out. This is just childish and immature, it is not going to change the fact that your parents are splitting up so what is the point? You are just adding more stress and drama to an already high pressured situation. It is just selfish and I know that you are struggling with this as well but think about what you parents are already going through, they don't want their child going off the rails as well. Yes it is ok to blow off a little steam and maybe have a bit of a huff about it but don't take it to the extreme, it's just not worth it in the end.
I hope some of this advise has maybe helped at least one person out there. If you guys have any more helpful advise then please share it below, someone might need it.
Later skaters
Love S xoxo
That is a good tip! Parents should always explain to their children the situation. Not specifically the reason, but at least the changes that might happen. Because divorce is always stressful for children more than to the couples. They mght feel like they will lose one of their parents, and they will never be whole again. But if they know that they don’t have to pick sides, this will make their adjustment period less painful. Anyway, the experience must’ve been traumatic for you. But I’m glad that you were able to overcome it.
ReplyDeleteJoanne Krueger @ Kurtz & Blum
Thanks Joanne, I was certainly old enough to understand what was happening so I feel like I found it harder than perhaps some younger children because after 19 years my whole world just changed. But I got through it and love both of my parents so it's just one of those life experiences you have to go through sometimes.
DeleteLove S xoxo